I made the mistake today of thinking I wasn’t a noodle-person who subsists on pop tarts and cheese products. Namely, I thought I could handle exercising. Since the level of soreness is supposed to increase the day after, I can only assume I will be bedridden for the rest of the week. Hopefully I remember to put pop tarts on my bedside table to keep from starving to death.

The moral of this story, you would think, is that I need to exercise more. But actually the moral is that I should never ever exercise again thus avoiding all future soreness.

This is the same logic I use for hanging out with people, but replace the word “soreness” with “annoyance over their unwillingness to supply me with an IV drip of high fructose corn syrup”.