I don’t think I’ve ever played an actual stealth game, but I’ve played roughly 800 billion stealth sections in other kinds of games. I assume in an actual stealth game it involves more than walking around in an object that clearly doesn’t belong in the otherwise clear hallways. “That’s odd,” thinks the Moblin patrolling the fortress, “I could’ve sworn the other 500 times I patrolled this path there wasn’t a barrel that I have to step around*. Oh well.” *whistles* “I’m really good at my job.”

Speaking of Zelda, I mentioned last time that I got a WiiU for Christmas, and I did. That’ a thing that happened. Pretty much the only thing I’d want for it is the HD re-release of Wind Waker, which oh hey came bundled with it. Now, I’m one of those people who thinks the MiiVerse is really REALLY stupid. That’s the first thing you’re greeted to (if you have the TV on… which, admittedly, I haven’t really been doing, instead treating it like a handheld that’s tethered to the general vicinity of my living room) when you boot up. People shouting into a void. “I’m awesome!” “This part was really hard!” “Sonic ffoevahzzz! LULZ” It’s like someone sat down and said, “What’s the best part of the internet? …Comment sections!” Because they’d had part of their brains removed. At least you’re not allowed any negativity or foul language, right? I mean, god forbid you choose the screen name “SpicyPuma”, lest you offend someone (true story: I’m not allowed to be SpicyPuma because “some users might find that offensive”. SORRY I DIDN’T KNOW WILDCATS PLAYED VIDEO GAMES)

But. BUT. That same thing, that same horrible void shouting I was just cursing, put that into the gameplay mechanics of Wind Waker and suddenly I’m OBSESSED. You can send and find messages in bottles! This makes me… so… unfathomably happy. I’m super bummed they don’t get saved though. One of the first messages I found was written in Hylian. I’m just positive it was that guy’s home address so I could find and marry him. Sigh. Oh well, it’s for the best. He was probably, like, 10. Most of the messages I’ve found seem to be from youngins. Which is another thing I wish I’d known before sending a message that referenced Hamlet. It was funny, kids! Trust me!